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Fooled Heart
Mar. 4th, 2009 08:05 pmETA: I wrote this over a week ago, but I really just want people to understand how much pain these conversations cause PoC. These "dialogues" are life to us and so much more than an errant conversation.
I want to write something deeply personal.
Something full of pain and hurt and humility.
But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.
I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.
We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.
And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.
"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.
I want to write something deeply personal.
Something full of pain and hurt and humility.
But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.
I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.
We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.
And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.
"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.